I, Sharmi, Diamond - EP-19

19. Sharmi

"The guy is really good. He says you're his life. For the past ten days, he's been taking care of all our household expenses. 

"Why don't you just marry him?" Hearing that made me angry. "Do you have any sense, Mom? You brought the guy who caused trouble for me in the bathroom and made him sit in the middle of the house, and now you're saying I ate for two days with his money. How can you do this, Mom?" Looking at my mother's face she asked, "Do we live every day thinking about all this?" I didn't feel like saying anything. What she was asking seemed reasonable. After Dad's condition, what has happened according to our wishes? Or did it ever happen before? Especially after my uncle's manipulations, thinking about all this seemed to have a kind of cruelty and perversion. But I didn't like the idea of her pairing me with him. I don't understand why I don't feel the same desire for him as I do for random men in pubs. The men there call me with an arrogance, a dominance, a hint of coercion as if they own me because they're paying. Dealing with them and still protecting my virginity felt like a kind of adventure. Maybe because he's hovering around me like a fungus, I feel like making him wait."

None of us expected this problem to escalate so dramatically. But it did. And it started with my uncle. After my mother's conversation that day, I stopped paying much attention to Arjun. His influence was gradually growing in our house, and it started to irritate my uncle. One day, there was a full-blown fight between my uncle and Arjun at home. The whole house was in turmoil. My uncle was heavily drunk. Arjun was extremely aggressive. Blood was flowing from my uncle's nose and Arjun's head. My mother watched them in shock from a corner, saying nothing. My uncle's outburst seemed particularly violent.

"So, you're going to dump me as soon as you find a young guy to sleep with you, mother and daughter? I'll cut you all to pieces!"

"Uncle, what kind of language are you using?"

"Shut up! You're the one who goes around sucking d*** in every pub in town, aren't you? Acting like a saint? How much have I done for you? How many lakhs have I given you? How loyal have I been? Now, if a richer guy comes along, you'll use him and kick me out? I'll burn you all alive! I'll burn everyone! Listen, I'm coming back tomorrow. I want you and your mother. He shouldn't be here. If he is, it'll be murder. Yes, I've said it." He repeated these threats and left in a drunken rage. As he left, he gave me a look that made it clear he had conveyed his intentions. I didn't want to talk about the pub stuff at home, so I remained silent. Arjun sat there without saying a word. He looked a bit pitiful. I slowly went and sat next to him. He immediately moved away.

"What do you want? Tell me, love... marriage, sex...?"

He didn't reply. "I'm the one who doesn't even respect you. Why do you keep following me? Why do you get yourself into these problems? If your family has problems because of this tomorrow, everyone will say it's our fault. Uncle has been with us for years, but you're not like that."

He stood up without saying anything. But he couldn't manage it; he collapsed. The alcohol and the beating must have weakened him. My mother looked at me. I took him to my room and laid him on the bed. I asked myself why I felt neither disgust nor anger towards him now, but there was no answer. My mother was in shock. When I went near her and touched her, she started crying silently.

"Why do we suffer like this, being born women and getting trapped by these men?" she cried, her voice hoarse and unintelligible. Without saying anything, I gave her a sleeping pill and put her to bed in her room. Then, I sat in the hall.

I realized that it was the desire of men to control and dominate two women that were chasing us. We had to rely on them because we couldn't fully immerse ourselves and had to maintain a facade. I even thought that if we rebelled once and told them to get lost, they would be scared. But I needed to figure out how to do that. Most importantly, we needed to become financially independent. There was no point in hiding things from my mother anymore. I had to make a decision about Arjun. He was like a fungus. There was definitely no love in him. If there had been, he wouldn't have tried to reach me through my family. My uncle's other face: the rich face, the dominating face. I was very tired and just lay down on the bed. I didn't even realize when I fell asleep. Suddenly, I woke up with a start when I felt a warm breath on my face. My mother was lying next to me, hugging me. It was broad daylight outside.

"But that morning didn't dawn peacefully for us. My uncle arrived with the police. I recognized the policeman; he was my uncle's crony. "Where is he? Where is he?" he shouted, bypassing us and going straight into my room. He hit Arjun and dragged him out. Arjun, still groggy from sleep, followed, bewildered. When he saw us in the hall, he understood, moved away from my uncle, and asked the policeman, "What's the problem? Who are you looking for?" I had never heard such an authoritative tone in his voice before.

"Young man, is that you? How's your father?"

"Hmm. What's the matter?"

"Nothing, young man. Sir, our friend said there was some problem. I'll take care of it, young man. Let's go..." he said, pushing my uncle along. My uncle, confused, followed him. Arjun snapped his fingers and called the inspector back. The inspector stopped abruptly.

"Our problem is a bit personal. Tell him not to get involved anymore. I'll settle it myself," he said, taking two thousand rupee notes from his pocket. He went to my uncle, looked at him, and placed the notes in his pocket. My uncle lowered his head. "Even then, you fought well yesterday, man," he said with a mocking laugh, and then, unexpectedly, punched my uncle on the nose. There was a loud thud. My uncle covered his face and sat down, completely silent. The inspector dragged my uncle away. I was shocked. He slowly came closer, looked me up and down, and took a deep breath.

"Look, I want you. I won't wait anymore. Once. In return for the humiliation I suffered that day, I have to punch you. And if you want to settle down peacefully without that old hag's interference, it's better for both of us if you listen to me. I'm coming back tomorrow with a full settlement. A one-time settlement. Okay, darling? Are you thinking this is like a movie scene? I'm a bit like that. I'm coming," he said and left. I watched him go, wondering what I, as a woman, could do. I stood there, clueless, and started to think."